


What Is It About Her?

by Little_Red



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Character Death, Demons, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Language, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Heavy Angst, More Tags To Be Added Once I Remember Them, Romance, Slightly Out of Character Sam Winchester, Slow Burn, Smut, Swearing, Violence, the slowest of slow burns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-03-23 23:48:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13798905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Red/pseuds/Little_Red
Summary: Amara brings back John and Jess instead of Mary. Which in turn makes everyone’s lives more complicated, especially Devon, Sam’s “girlfriend”. John doesn’t know what to make of Dev, he just knows that there is something about her that calls to him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have had the first chapter to this fic wrote and sitting in my drafts folder for over a year now. I dusted it off, tweaked it a bit and promised to post it awhile go, but I have been to busy because of work to even get to it. So finally, here it is. I hope that you like it, as it’s my first John fic.

 

 

*****

**_Dean’s POV_ **

“Dad?” I asked, staring in shock at the man before me. He looked just like he did when I last saw him, 10 years ago.

“Dean? Is that really you?” he said, staring at me, looking just as shocked. And speechless. Something that I had never seen before.

“Ya dad, it’s me.” I replied, walking closer to him. “How.. how are you here?”

“I was… the yellowed eyed demon… I made a deal…” he muttered, looking confused.

“Dad… that was over 10 years ago.” I said quietly, unsure how to start explaining things.

“Dean?” a soft voice said, cutting off the conversation as young blonde woman walked out of the shadows. “Is that you?”

“Jess?” I asked in disbelief. If I thought seeing my dead father showing up was hard to believe, seeing my brother’s dead girlfriend walking towards me was even harder to believe. She was the last person that I expected to see.

“What happened? Where am I? Where’s Sam? Who is he?” She demanded, looking around in steadily growing panic.

“Yes, where is your brother?” Dad growled, “How come he is not with you?”

“Sam is… he’s not here because….. well I was not supposed to survive what went down.” I explained, “We will go find him right away, but first I need to explain a few things…. ok a lot of things.”

Jess and Dad looked at each other before looking at me. “Go on.” they said in unison, Jess looking panicked and Dad looking pissed off.

“Well long story short….. God’s sister, Amara was going to destroy the world. But she stopped because she got her brother back, and she said that she would give me something in return. Dad, I guess you were brought back for both me and Sam.”

“And Jess…” I stopped and took a deep breath before I said the next words, thinking of Devon. “Jess… I can only assume that you were brought back for Sam.”

“Ok..a.y…” she said softly, “What do you mean brought back? I was just with Sam. Where  _is_  Sam?”

I sighed, dreading this next part. “You died 11 years ago Jess. You’ve been in heaven, with a fake Sam, living out your happiest memories.”

Jess just stared at me with wide, disbelieving eyes. “No…. it’s not true… it’s not. Where is Sam? I want to see Sam.”

I sighed and pulled my phone out, showing her the date. “Look. it’s 2016.” I explained, “I am not making this up. You died 11 years ago, killed by the same demon that killed my dad a year later. The same demon that killed my mom.”

“I-” Jess started before dad cut her off, “It’s true. I was just with my long passed wife, Mary. And now I am here.” he said gruffly.

“It’s a long story Jess…. come on… let’s go home and I will explain everything.” I said quickly, unable to bring myself to tell Jess about Devon, or how I was going to tell Devon about Jess.

“Home?” Dad asked, looking at me in surprise.

“Ya, we have one now… that’s another long story.” I told him, gently turning Jess in the direction of the car. “Let’s go.”

“Dean?” Jess said, as we started walking “If I was brought back for Sam, why wasn’t someone brought back for you? How come there’s no loved one for you… besides your dad?”

“Well…” I started, stopping when my phone rang, Frowning at the unknown number, I quickly answered it. “Hello?”

“Dean?” a familiar female voice said, “It’s Lisa. I remember everything.”

*****

**_Dean’s POV_ **

“You live here?” dad asked as we entered the bunker.

“Ya, it’s an old Men of Letters bunker.” I explained.

“What? They don’t exist.” Dad scoffed, who was quickly adjusting to being alive again after being dead for 10 years.

“They do, your dad was one of them. We met him.” I replied turning to look at him. “Dad, he never ran out on you, he time travelled to the future and died in the year of 2013. He never made it home to you.”

Dad stared at me, once again at a loss for words. Then his gaze settled on something behind me and he frowned. Turning, I saw pools of blood and a spill of golden hair, which could only belong to Devon.

“Dev?” I yelled, pulling out my gun and rushing over to Devon. She had a bleeding nose and a large purple lump on her temple. “Dev? Come on Goldie, wake up. Please wake up.”

When she didn’t respond, I carefully picked her up, and placed her on the war room table. Looking over at dad, I pulled the spare gun from its hiding place under the table.  

Tossing him the gun, I started out of the room, “Can you keep an eye on her? And see if you can possibly wake her up?” I asked him, feeling weird to be the one giving the orders. “I am going to see if I can find Sammy and get the first aid kit.” I hurried from the room, needing to find Sam, because something didn’t feel right.  

*****

**_John’s POV_ **

I had learned so much in the last few hours that it was making my head spin. But looking down at the unconscious girl on the table, I knew that she held more questions than answers.

“Dean, who is she? Is she your girlfriend?” I demanded, stopping him before he got out of sight.

Dean hesitated, glancing subtly at Jess before looking back at the girl, “No…. she’s a close friend and fellow hunter. She lives here with us, helps keep us in line.” he explained before he left. But something about the vagueness of his explanation bothered me. There was something that he was leaving out.

“Come on Sweetheart, wake up.” I urged, patting her cheeks. Jess came to stand by me, looking at the prone body in fear. “She isn’t dead.” I explained quickly, “She’s breathing. I just can’t wake her.”

Jess nodded and flinched as I slapped the girl’s cheek harder. I clenched my teeth, not wanting to hurt her any further, she was just a child.

The bunker door swung open just then and a tall, dark haired man entered, striding towards me, “Get away from her, now.” he ordered, ignoring the gun that I had pointed at him.

“I don’t think so buddy. Stop right now or I will shoot.” I warned him, cocking the gun.

“You get away from her right now. What did you do with Sam?” he growled as he advanced on me, not caring about the gun.

“Whoa!! Whoa!! Whoa!!!” Dean shouted coming around the corner just then. “It’s ok. This is Cas. He’s a friend.”

“Dean? You’re alive?” the man said, pulling him in for an awkward looking hug. “What about the bomb and the darkness?”

“I will tell you everything Cas. Where’s Sam?” Dean demanded.

“He’s not here?” Cas answered, sighing and looking around.

“Dean who is this guy?” I asked, “Is he a hunter?”

“No, I’m an angel.” Cas replied.

“He’s an angel.” Dean said at the same time.

“He’s a what?” I asked, setting the gun down. “He’s an… angel? It’s time to be serious Dean.”

“I am being serious.” Cas replied.

“Ya an angel. You know with wings, and a harp.” Dean said, ignoring Cas.

“I don’t have a harp.” Cas huffed, looking annoyed.

Dean looked at me, “This is Castiel, and he is an angel.”

Cas looked at me, then Jess, then back at Dean.

Dean sighed, “Cas this is my dad, John Winchester. And Jessica Moore…”

“Your father.” Cas replied, before looking at Jess and the girl on the table “Oh….. Ohhh.”

“Where’s Sam? What happened?” Dean demanded, as Cas went around the table to check on the girl.

“Devon, Sam and I came back here and there was a woman waiting. She blasted me away. I don’t know who she was or what she wanted. But Devon might.” Cas explained, reaching out to touch the girls forehead.

I watched in amazement as the girls injuries disappeared, leaving no trace of them behind. Her eyes slowly opened and she frowned up at the angel in confusion, before her whiskey brown eyes widened and she sat up quickly, nearly falling off the table.

“Sam!!!??” she asked as looked around frantically while Cas and Dean steadied her.

“Devon. It’s me. What happened?” Cas demanded, “Where’s Sam?”

“I don’t know.” she gasped out, “That British bitch couldn’t keep the gun on both of us. I was just about to jump her when someone grabbed me from behind and slammed my head against the wall. I have no idea what happened after that.”

“What was she?” Dean demanded, “Angel? Demon?”

“Worse. She was human.” Devon growled, jumping down off the table. “A human with a gun. They can be unpredictable.”

“Cas, she spends way too much time with you. She’s starting to sound like you.” Dean muttered, “When was this?”

“It was 2:12am.” Cas replied.

“Uhh ya, it was around the time.” Devon agreed, tucking her hair behind her ears.

Dean sat down at his computer and started typing into it, while Devon turned to look at me and Jess.

“Umm Dean?” she asked carefully, giving us both the once over. “Who are these people? Because that looks an awful lot like your…”

“Oh ya” Dean interrupted her, “Devon, this is John Winchester, my dad. Dad, this is Devon Goldstein.” Dean said, before exchanging a look with Castiel, one that once again confirmed there was something that they were not saying. Devon smiled at me, reaching out her hand to take mine, but then Dean continued talking.

“And this is Jess. Jessica Moore.” he said carefully. Devon froze and turned to look at my son and his angel friend, before slowly turning back to face Jess and myself.

“Uhh hi.” she said, once again reaching out to take my hand, “Welcome back? I guess? I don’t really know what to say to someone who comes back from the dead… well after so long I mean.”

I smiled as I shook her hand, wondering as she shook Jess’s hand if anyone else noticed how her eyes were so much dimmer than they had been when she woke up.

*****

**_Devon’s POV_ **

As soon as Dean told me who the stunningly beautiful, tall, flawless looking woman in front of me was, I felt a crack start forming in my heart. A crack the size of the Grand Canyon. This was worse than when I thought that I had lost Sam to the trials. This was the love of his life come back from the dead, standing before me barefoot, in a silky white nightgown. And looking better than any recently dead person had a right too.

Not to mention John Winchester himself, who seemed to be handling all of this better than Jess was.

“Uhh Jess, come with me… I might have something that you can wear.” I said, already slipping past the guys, shrugging off Dean’s attempt to stop me. Jess quietly followed behind me and I steeled myself for the barrage of questions that I was sure to come.

Jess stayed mostly silent as we walked to my room, but upon entering and seeing the pictures scattered around the room, she cocked her head and walked forward to look over them all, as I rummaged around for clothes.

“You’re close with them.” she stated, causing me to turn and look at her. She was looking at a series of pictures that were taken during my birthday camping trip. In one, Sam had his arm wrapped around me, while we both held up fish, comparing sizes and laughing. In the next one, Dean was scowling and I was laughing at the tiny fish that he had caught, while trying to keep my larger fish away from his long reach as he attempted to steal it. The next picture showed me and Cas, as I tried to show him how to cast a line into the creek. I smiled and shook my head as I remembered how he cast too hard and sent the whole rod into the creek.

“Ya I am.” I replied as I dug out a pair of too big sweats and a plain tank top. “Here, these should fit you. Dean bought the sweats for me, but they are too long for me, I trip on the bottoms all the time. This tank top should fit you, if not, I am sure I can find a T-shirt somewhere. We can go get you new clothes in the morning.”

“You are too sweet.” she said, taking the clothes from me and sighing in relief as she saw the sports bra that I had added in.“Thank you…. do you share this room with your boyfriend?”

I was hoping that she wouldn’t notice, but it was hard not to see that a guy also slept in here as well.

“Yes, I do…. well he’s more friends with benefits. We haven’t really put a label on what we are.” I admitted, turning my back so she could change.  _“Dammit. She’s so nice. It’s so hard to hate her.”_  I thought to myself as I stared at the wall, willing her not to press the issue.

“So Cas is your not boyfriend?” she asked, as she got changed.

I was spared from answering when Dean pounded on the closed door. “Dev! We have a lead on Sam, let’s go.”

“Be right there!” I yelled, turning slightly to see that Jess was finished and folding her nightgown neatly on the bed. I smiled sadly, it figures that she’d do everything perfect.

“Come on, let’s go find Sam.” I told her, not bothering to change my clothes at all.

****

**_Devon’s POV_ **

It took a car accident, a fight with the British bitch who slammed my head into the wall, two days and a lot of dead ends before we got an actual lead on Sam, one that panned out that is. Castiel found a warded house in Missouri. And the news couldn’t come in time. Things were tense around the bunker. Everyone wanted to get Sam back for different reasons. Dean wanted his brother back. John wanted his son back. Jess wanted her boyfriend back. I wanted my Sam back too, but I was also dreading it. Seeing Jess would be hard on him, and it wouldn’t be easy on her, once she learned the truth. Whatever truth that was. Sam and I had never really said what we were, we shared a room, but we didn’t. He had never really moved into my room, nor I his. We just kind of had stuff scattered between both rooms. And while we never claimed to be exclusive, we also never really saw other people. Well I didn’t, and Sam flirted with other girls but at the end of the night, he was always with me, even if it was  _just_  sharing a bed. The hunts that I didn’t go on mind you, I have no idea what happened on those trips. And the knowledge never really bothered me until now. I loved Sam with every fibre of my being, but we had never said the words to each other. I hoped that once we found him, that that would change.

In between research and sleep, Dean and I took John and Jess shopping, both of them needing some clothes of their own. I was amused to see John select an array of shirts and jeans that I knew would be confused for his son’s clothes.

“The flannel is strong in this family” I murmured quietly, ignoring the look that John shot me. He always seemed annoyed with me; he probably thought that I wasn’t good enough for his son. Because I wasn’t Jess. Jess was the harder one to shop for, picking out more lacy, girly stuff. Stuff that I wish I could wear but looked rather ridiculous in. I was the plain Jane, girl next door type. Nothing fancy about me. I wasn’t exactly a head turner, but I had Sam and I was happy. Now all that happiness was on the verge of being ripped away from me.

And I didn’t think that I could handle it.

I couldn’t talk to Dean about it, because he was either busy searching for clues on Sam, catching his dad up on the last 10 years or on the phone with Lisa. So I suffered in silence, helping with research and making sure that everyone was fed or clothed. By the time we all piled into the impala, heading towards Missouri, I was about done with everyone. I sat silently in the backseat, next to Jess and stared out the window.

After what seemed like an eternity, we arrived in Missouri and found Cas.

“Dean. Devon.” Cas greeted us, as we got out of the car “You brought your Dad and Jess?”

“I wanted them to stay where it was safe, but they wouldn’t listen to me.” Dean groused. I had to silently agree, John was one thing, he was a hunter. But Jess wasn’t and this wasn’t the kind of work for someone like her. Someone who wasn’t in the life.

“Have you seen Sam at all?” I asked, looking up at the angel.

“No, and I can’t get close because of the wardings.” Cas replied.

“I’m going to have a closer look.” Dean announced.

“I’m coming with you.” I replied quickly, taking my place next to him. John raised a brow at me and opened his mouth but he was cut off by Jess.

“And so am I.” She said, moving to stand on Dean’s other side.

“Jess, you can’t.” Dean told her gently, “It’s too dangerous.”

“Besides.” I spoke up, “You both can’t come with us.” I looked at John then Jess.

“We don’t know how many people are in there or what kind of traps there are.” I explained, “So the less people, the better. Plus, no offence Mr. Winchester, but you haven’t hunted in 10 years.”

John gave me a strange look, one that I couldn’t decipher, while Dean looked pleadingly at Cas.

“Devon is right.” Cas agreed “Besides, I can’t go in, so I would appreciate it if someone would wait out here with me.

Jess sighed and leaned against Cas’s truck. Dean turned and headed towards the house, and I followed him, hearing John mutter something and trail along behind us.

Dean went around one side of the house, and I went around the other. I should have met up with Dean around back, but I arrived in time to see a flash of light and Dean disappeared.

“Shit.” I swore, turning around quickly and walking right into John, who steadied me with his hands on my shoulders.

“Careful Darling.” John drawled, “Don’t go running off into trouble.”

“I’m sorry Mr. Winchester, but it’s my job to watch your son’s backs, and I’ve done a shit job of it lately.” I snapped, stepping around him. “So now I am going to go find Sam and Dean, before they get themselves into any more trouble. Now give me a boost here please.”

I pointed at the window above us. John looked at it and nodded, before wrapping his hands around my waist and lifting me onto a stack of firewood that was piled below the window. I bit my lip to hide the squeal that threatened to spill out. John kept a tight hold of my waist as I leaned forward and peered cautiously into the window.

“That blonde bitch has Dean. But it looks like she’s the only bad guy here.” I growled quietly “He’s dazed and in handcuffs. She’s taking him down into the basement. I don’t see Sam anywhere, so I’m betting that he’s downstairs.”

I finished my report and moved to jump down from the log pile, only to feel John’s fingers tighten around my waist and I was lifted to the ground so suddenly that I stumbled and found myself pressed up against his broad chest.

I stared into his beautiful eyes, momentarily stunned. But then the fact that he was Sam’s dad ran through my mind and I jerked away.

“Come, let’s see if the front door is rigged.” I muttered, “Dean disappeared in a flash of light. Magic of some kind.”

“Who put you in charge Sweetheart?” John challenged as he followed after me “I do have more experience than you.”

“Oh ya? What’s an iphone? Do you know how to hack a database? How do you kill an angel? Do you know the King of Hell’s first name? Or phone number?” I shot back, whirling around to glare up at him. “So you have more experience. Big-friggin-whoop. You were gone for 11 years Mr. Winchester. A lot has changed since then. And until you get caught up on things, maybe you had better fall in line and stay behind me.”

I turned and started towards the front of the house, freezing when I heard his next words.

“Fine.” He muttered, “At least I can enjoy the view then.”

“What?” I hissed, whirling around again “What did you say?”

“I said that you can call me John.” He replied with a cheeky grin, both of us knowing damn well what he said.

I turned around again “Come on…… John.” I growled, “Let’s go save your sons. Besides, I have a score to settle with that blonde bitch.”

“Wait kid.” John said, reaching out to catch my wrist before I started up the stairs that led to the front door. “Let me go in first. Ya you are more up to date on this life than I am. But she knows about you. She will be expecting you. She won’t be expecting me.”

I had to admit that John was right, and I let him go ahead of me. “I will follow in a few minutes.” I promised him.

John nodded and slipped inside, while I tried to ignore the tingling his touch had left. He was Sam’s father. And I loved Sam.

Within minutes I heard the sound of fighting, and I started to go in when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

“Devon. Wait. It’s me.” Cas’s said, his voice calming me down and making me relax my clenched fists.

“Cas, what are you doing here?” I demanded, as I looked back at him “I thought that you come close because of the wardings?”

“I powered them down.” A new voice said. A male voice. A British male voice.

Looking over at the newcomer, I saw a man who was slighter shorter than Cas, with amazing grey eyes and a stubbly beard.

“Hello. I’m Mick Davies. British Men of Letters.” He introduced himself.

“Hi…. I’m Devon Goldstein. But you can call me Dev or Goldie.” I said slowly as I eyed the Brit up and down. He was a handsome man, or would have been if he would only shave.

“It’s nice to meet you Goldie.” Mick replied, “Shall we?” he gestured towards the door and let me lead the way in, Castiel behind me, Mick and Jess brining up the rear.

I was faster and made it down to the basement in time to trade a few blows with the blonde bitch, thoroughly satisfied as I heard the crunch of her nose breaking. She managed to split my lip and slam me into the wall hard enough to bruise, before she put a spell on John, choking him out. I moved towards her, distracting her long enough for Dean to knock her out.

“Sam, Dean are you alright?” I cried, going to get Sam’s bindings off.

“Dev.” Sam sighed gratefully, relived to see me.

“How did you stop her spell?” I asked Dean, as I worked on letting Sam loose.

“It was a Chinese mind control technique. Hard to do when you are unconscious. Turns out this ape did read a book or two.” He replied as he helped John up.

“Well played.” Mick announced as he and Cas came down the stairs.

I let Sam loose and he shakily stood and pulled me into a hug. “I thought she hurt you.” He murmured, “She wouldn’t tell me what happened to you.”

Sam let go of me and focused on what Mick was saying. I stepped back so he could see Mick clearly. Mick had just finished explaining what the British Men of Letters wanted when a soft footstep sounded on the stairs, drawing attention to the fact that there was someone waiting on the stairs.

Jess came the rest of the way down, “Sam?” she said softly, looking at him with eyes full of love and adoration.

“Jess?” Sam breathed, striding forward to hug her tightly “I’ve missed you so much.”

I could see Dean and Castiel looking at me in concern. So I bit my cheek to stop any tears and gave them a tight smile. John looked at Dean’s concerned face, to mine and then over at Sam.

Mick was looking between me and Sam, understanding dawning on his face. Castiel put his hand on my shoulder in an awkward attempt to comfort me.

Sam let go of Jess and they turned around to face us. When Jess saw my face, she gasped “Are you all right Devon?” she asked worriedly. If she only knew.

“I’m fine.” I insisted, looking at Sam whose face was filled with guilt, and was unable to meet my eyes.

“But you’re bleeding!” she cried.

I had honestly forgotten about that fact. “Oh, ya.. don’t worry about it. It’s only a split lip. Blondie got a lucky hit.” I explained, before barging on “Why don’t we get out of here?”

I turned and went upstairs, Castiel following me. I heard the rest of the group come up the stairs but I didn’t stop until I was out in the yard, taking some careful deep breaths as I struggled to keep it together.

Mick marched the blonde bag, Lady Bevell out of the house and straight into his car. As he got in he shot me a worried look and I gave him a small smile in return. As his car pulled out of the driveway, Dean looked around.

“Ok, well someone will have to ride with Cas.” He said slowly, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

“I’ll ride with Cas.” I volunteered, “We haven’t spent much time together lately, and that will give all of you a chance to catch up.”

Sam was looking anywhere but at me, and Dean looked relived at having avoided the awkwardness that would eventually come. I grabbed my coat from the backseat of the impala and was putting it in Cas’s truck when John approached me.

“Hey kid… are you alright?” he asked me, looking concerned “I know that it’s hard when feelings are not returned. But you will get past this, you’re young.”

I gave a short bark of laughter “Ya.. don’t worry John… I will get over my little crush in due time.” I hopped in the cab of the truck, and John helped me close the door.

I rolled down the window and looked at him, “Oh and I’m not a kid… I’m 27, I just look young.”

John looked surprised at that info but only nodded in return. Cas walked up to the truck and got in, and I waved at everyone, forcing a smile.

“See you at the bunker!” I called as Cas pulled onto the road.

We drove in silence for two minutes before I looked at him.

“Cas, please drive slowly. I’m in no hurry to get home.” I said sadly.

The angel didn’t reply, he just reached out and took my hand, squeezing it tightly.

As we drove, all the events of the last few days kept swirling around in my mind until I thought that I would be sick. Seeing the impala turn off the main highway, I shot Castiel a look that clearly said do not follow them.

Dean sent me a text that said “Going to get gas” and I sighed in relief. The closest town was almost twenty kilometers down that road, and if we hurried, we could get quite the head start on them. And knowing Dean, he’d probably grab takeout as well.

“I changed my mind Cas, please hurry home.” I begged him “We are going to have a good head start now.”

“You are not going to do anything stupid, are you?” Castiel asked bluntly, taking his eyes off the road to look at me.

“No Cas, I’m not. I just… I need to get home… and I need to yell, and scream and cry in the privacy of my own room.” I explained.

“The bunker is not exactly sound proof; I have heard you and Sam…” Cas trailed off, realizing his error.

“Turn here.” I ordered, pointing down a random dirt road. Cas turned, shooting me a questioning look. “Just drive.”

Cas drove until I saw a small clearing with a pond, surrounded by trees. “Stop here.” I said, undoing my seatbelt.

Cas stopped the truck and I got out, walking towards the pond. I didn’t say anything until I was in front of one of the trees, and then I started hitting it, taking all my frustration and pain out on it. I didn’t care that the rough bark tore the skin from my knuckles or that the trunk of the tree was hard enough to split my knuckles to the bone.  

Castiel called my name and pulled me away from the tree, causing me to fall to the ground, where I screamed and beat the ground with my fists, until Cas had pulled completely onto his lap, where he held me still and just let me scream and cry without causing further damage to myself.

“Shhh… it’s alright Devon. It’s alright.” He soothed, “You are going to get past this.”

“It’s my fault Cas.” I sobbed into his chest, ruining his shirt. “It’s my fault. I never said anything. I never told him how I felt. I thought that we had all the time in the world and that it would happen naturally.”

I pulled back to look him in the face. “How come Sam and Dean get back the people that they love, and I lose the one that I loved. Why do I lose out?”

“How come no one loves me?” I asked in a small voice.

“I love you.” Cas replied, rubbing my back soothingly.

“You love me like I love Sam?” I mocked, “Like Sam loves Jess?”

“No, not like that Devon. I’m sorry.” Cas apologized “But I love you like family, which means that someone loves you.”

“I love you like family too Cas, You’re my best friend.” I replied, suddenly exhausted after my outburst. “Let’s go home.”

“Ok, but first I must do something.” Cas picked me up and set me gently on a large rock, before placing his fingers on my forehead. I closed my eyes as I felt his angelic healing sweep through me, fixing my lip and putting my hands back together.

“Thanks Cas.” I said, giving him my first real smile in days, “Let’s go home.”

Cas pulled me to my feet and I leaned against him, needing his strength and support. Once in the tuck, Cas turned around and headed back the way we came. We had been in the clearing for almost an hour, but I had really needed to let out some of my rage and frustration. I just hoped that Dean wasn’t too far ahead of us, I wanted to get home and lock myself inside my room before I had to see Sam and Jess again.

By miracles of miracles, we beat them home. I made a beeline to my room and locked the door behind me. I looked around at everything, seeing Sam’s touches everywhere. With a scream, I picked up the nearest object and hurled it against the wall, before falling on the bed, sobbing. I was crying so hard that I didn’t even hear the door open or know that anyone was in my room until the bed dipped and I felt Cas’s strong arms wrap around me and pull me close.

“Go ahead and cry Devon, I’m not going anywhere.” Cas promised, as he reached down to pull the covers over us. Cas kept his word, holding me until I fell into an exhausted slumber.

At one point I thought that I heard Cas and Sam’s voices arguing outside the door, but when I woke up, the light’s were out and Cas was watching Netflix on my laptop. Seeing that I was awake, he pulled me close and I fell asleep with my head on his stomach, making a mental note to ask why he was watching Gilmore Girls.

The next morning, I woke up, heart still heavy. Cas was gone but it looked like he had just left, as the opening credits to Gilmore Girls was paused. Pushing my hair out of my eyes, I looked around my room, hating all the reminders of Sam. With a sigh, I got out of bed, noting that I was not in my clothes anymore, and just in my sports bra and underwear. Cas must have changed me to make me more comfortable. I changed out of them into clean underwear, then I pulled on some sweats and a tshirt, before I set to work on my room.

A short while later, I was just finishing up when a knock sounded at my door. “Come in Cas, I’m awake.” I called out, not bothering to turn around as I worked on my task.

The door opened and closed behind someone, and there was a beat of silence before someone said “Dev?”

Sam.

“Go away Sam.” I whispered, “Please.”

“Devon… I..”

“We were never a real couple Sam. You cannot stand there and say that there was no other girls while you were on the road. We just had an unspoken agreement.”

At Sam’s silence, I knew that I had stumbled upon some truths.

“See… no harm done.” I announced briskly. “Go back to Jess.”

“But you’re hurting.” Sam said, starting to step closer but stopping when I tensed up. “Dev… I’m so sorry.”

“Just go Sam. Please.” I whispered, “I’ll be fine.”

“What are you doing?” Sam asked me quietly, looking over my shoulder.

“I’m packing up your things.”

“Dev.”

I stiffened and slowly looked at Sam over my shoulder. “Sam… I need to do this. Ok? I will be fine. Now just go.”

Sam sighed “I’m sorry Dev.” He whispered as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Ya. So was I.

*****

Dean knocked on my door around noon, telling me that he was going to get Lisa and then we’d all have supper here.

“Please Dev.” Dean pleaded through my door, “I know that you are hurting, but Lisa wants to see you.”

“I’ll come say hi.” I promised.

Cas came back as I was getting ready to go have a shower. He looked at the boxes of Sam’s things that I was packing up, and silently put the two boxes that he was holding down.

“Sam umm he packed up some of your things and asked me to give them to you.” He explained, looking at the two boxes of things that I had packed up for Sam.

“Great.” I said dully, “I’m done packing his up. Want to drop them off for me? When Jess isn’t there please.”

Cas nodded and moved aside so I could leave for the showers. I chose the furthest and least often used one. I just wanted to be alone, to cry and just let it all out again.

Cas came in while I was showering, and sat outside the shower, silently offering me his support. He handed my towel when I was done and left so I could dress. He was waiting in my room when I got back.

“Are you coming to dinner?” he asked.

“I’m not hungry. But I will go say hi.” I replied as I fiddled with my hair.

“You need to eat, Devon.” Cas argued with me.

“I will when I’m hungry Cas. Right now, I’m barely holding it together.” I sighed, burying my face in my hands.

Cas reached out for my wrist and pulled me down onto the bed, settling in next to me. “Sleep” he ordered, “I will wake you when it’s time to eat.”

Cas kept his word and woke me up with enough time to freshen up before dinner. I could hear talking and laughing going on down the hall, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave the safety of my room. Cas led me out of my room and down the hall, towards the talking and laughter.

All which died down when I entered. Sam couldn’t look at me, Jess was looking at me in concern, but she obviously didn’t know what was going on. Dean was looking at me worriedly, Lisa was smiling warmly at me and John was watching his sons with narrowed eyes, a confused look on his face.

“Devon! It’s so good to see you!” Lisa said, coming over to hug me “How are you?”

“Seriously, how are you?” she whispered into my ear as she hugged me tightly “I know that this can’t be easy on you.”

“You have no idea.” I murmured quietly, “But I am surviving. We were never a couple. He’s with the one he loves now. I won’t stand in the way of that. I always knew that I could lose him to someone else, I just never knew that it’d be Jess.”

We broke the hug and I forced the cheeriest smile that I could muster. “I’m doing good, getting used to all the changes and new faces around here.” I said loudly, gesturing around. “I’ve never seen the bunker so full!”

Lisa laughed and changed the topic, asking when we were going to eat. I sat and picked at my food, until I was able to quietly sneak out without anyone noticing.

As I once again locked myself in my room, I decided that things had to change. I couldn’t stay in my room forever.

*****

**_John’s POV_ **

I didn’t know much about Devon, but I knew enough to tell that she had completely shut down inside since the farmhouse. The spark in her eyes was dimming more and more with each passing second. And my boys were acting strangely. Sam couldn’t look at Devon and Dean kept giving her concerned looks.

As the night wound down and everyone got ready for bed, I looked around for Devon, alarmed to see her gone. I made my way to her room, and knocked on the door.

“Devon?” I called out; wanting to make sure she was alright. “It’s John.”

“Go away John, please.” She replied, “I just got in bed. It’s been a long day and I’m tired. Just let me sleep please.”

“Ok Dev. I was just checking on you.” I told her door, wanting to open it but respecting her privacy.

I left her door in search of my sons, finding them in the kitchen, putting away the last of the food. The girls were nowhere in sight, only Cas remained.

“Ok cut the crap.” I said upon entering the kitchen, “You are going to tell me what is going on with Devon and you are going to tell me now. She can’t be this upset over a little crush.”

Sam looked down and Dean sighed.

“We were kind of hooking up on a regular occasion.” Sam admitted, “It’s been going on for years. We just never made anything official. We were both hunters and didn’t want to involve emotions.”

I snorted. “Well from the way that Devon is acting, I think that she is emotionally involved.”

“It wasn’t just a crush dad.” Dean replied, “Or just a hook up to her. Dev was…is… in love with Sam.”

“She is not.” Sam said quickly, panic creeping into his voice.

“She is, everyone knew it but you.” Cas spoke up. “Devon will heal in time, but right now she is hurting. But she understands Sam; she understands that Jess is the love of your life.”

“I’m disappointed in you Sam.” I growled, “There are ways to handle such a situation, and you chose the worst of them.”

“I know.” Sam replied, “But I don’t know how to fix it. I haven’t even told Jess yet.”

“You haven’t told me what?” Jess replied as she walked into the kitchen, followed by Lisa.

At my pointed look, Sam looked at his once dead girlfriend. “I haven’t told you the truth about Devon.” He admitted to her.

“What about Devon? She’s Cas’s girlfriend, right?” Jess asked in confusion, looking at Cas, “You spent all night and day in her room with her.”

“Devon is my best friend.” Cas replied, “And I was there to make sure that she was alright.”

“Why?” Jess said slowly, looking at Sam.

“Because Devon is in love with Sam.” Lisa told her.

“And we were sleeping together.” Sam said, looking down at his hands.

“You were together?!” Jess gasped, “Sam, how could you?”

“We were not together…. we were… friends with benefits basically.” Sam said hurriedly.

“Except that she was in love with you.” Jess replied flatly.

“For the record, Sam didn’t know that. Everyone else did, but he didn’t.” Dean announced, “Cas and I kept telling her to stop before she got hurt, and she always said that she would take what she could get, and if she got burned, it would be worth it.”

“Well I highly doubt that she feels the same way now.” Jess snapped, stepping back from Sam, “I have to go talk to her. I feel so bad. I kept asking her about her boyfriend, because I thought that it was Cas.”

“I just talked to her.” I replied, “She said that she’s tired and going to bed. Give her some time Jess, and try again in the morning.”

Jess nodded and glared at Sam before walking out of the kitchen. Sam hurried to follow her, calling her name.

“Jess… wait.”

“He went about that all wrong.” Lisa said, turning to look at the rest of us, “But Devon told me tonight that she won’t stand in the way and that she knew that losing him to someone else was a possibility.”

“Ya.” Dean admitted, “She knew and she went for it anyways. Sam handled it wrong, yes. But I can sort of see where he went wrong… I mean if I was with someone else, casually, and you came back from the dead…. well…”

“I know.” Lisa replied, tucking her hair behind her ear. “It’s a hard situation and either way, someone would get hurt.”

“Let’s leave her tonight and we will talk to her in the morning.” Dean decided, “We don’t want to force her to talk.”

“Agreed.” Lisa replied.

“Come, let’s go to bed.” Dean suggested. At Lisa’s quirked brow, he backtracked, “Just to sleep.” He clarified.

I left the two of them to turn out the lights, pausing near Devon’s room. Cas stopped beside me and looked at her door. “I’ll leave her be for tonight. I think she just wants to be alone.” He said, plus there’s research to be done.”

Cas left in the direction of the library and I headed to my room, ignoring the urge to knock down Devon’s door, just to check on her.

Early the next morning, after the coffee was made, Dean went to check on Devon. Castiel and I followed him, waiting while he knocked on her door.

“Dev?” Dean called out as he knocked and knocked on her door, with no answer. “Dev?!”

“Cas.. she wouldn’t hurt herself, would see?” he turned, looking at the angel.

I could feel my heart skip a beat at the thought of Devon’s beautiful eyes forever closed.

“No.. I don’t think so.” Cas replied, “She was hurting but not enough to do that….. but I also don’t feel her in there.”

Cas moved past Dean to knock on the door. “Devon? It’s Cas. I’m coming in.”

Castiel opened the door to reveal a bare looking room. There was nothing on the walls. The drawers all stood open and empty and several boxes sat on the neatly made bed. Some had ‘Dev’s Things’ scrawled across the tops and sides of the boxes, and one was marked ‘Sam’s Things’. But other than the boxes, the room was empty and devoid of any signs of life.

Dev was gone.

*****


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where did Devon go, and will they be able to find her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THAT I TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE!!!! I'VE HAD A HORRIBLE CAUSE OF WRITERS BLOCK.... and ADULTING. Adulting sucks. But it has to happen. At some points in my life, I have to set aside my writing and be a real adult, you know in order to pay bills and stuff. But I am back at it!!! So please enjoy the update and I hope more will come soon!! XOXO

**_Dev’s POV_ **

I listened and waited until everyone had settled down for the night, and knowing Cas so well, he would be glued to my laptop right now, binge watching Gilmore Girls. Once that show has a hold on you, it really sucks you in.

As soon as I was sure that everyone was asleep, I quickly shouldered my duffel bag, grabbed my smaller bag full of weapons and crept out of my room. I took the long way around to the garage, walking quietly as to not alert anyone to my presence. Once I got in the garage, I bypassed my car and took the least expensive car, threw my bags in, opened the doors and quickly left. I drove the four hours to Kansas City, parked at the bus station, and used my phone to buy four bus tickets to four different locations, all heading in opposite directions. Then I took my tickets, walked to a shelter and handed out three of the tickets to some women that I found staying there, women who looked like they needed a fresh start. Once the tickets were gone, I hiked back to the bus station, sealed the car keys in an envelope, I scribbled the address on it and sent it to the PO box that we rented. Then I waited to board the bus, clutching my remaining ticket and bags in my hands. I smiled as I saw the girls who I gave the tickets too arrive, eager to get away and start their lives over. Luckily, they were all blondes on the shorter side. Like me. Which means that Sam and Dean would have a harder time tracking me down, if four tickets were bought, using four of my aliases, and four blonde women of similar height each got on a separate bus, and went in different directions.

By the time they figured it out, Devon Goldstein would be long gone… and hopefully thought to be dead.

But Goldie Lewis? She would be alive and kicking. It was time for Dev to go, and for Goldie to survive.

*****

**_John’s POV_ **

Devon was gone. As was one of the cars from the garage. Sam, Dean and Cas were frantic to find her, as was I.

Cas and Dean went into town to find Devon, while Sam showed me how to hack traffic cams. We were trying to follow the trail that Devon had taken, but she was smart and managed to avoid a lot of the major traffic camera’s opting to take side streets and less travelled roads.

After three hours of searching, Dean called, and Sam put it on speaker phone, so we could all hear him talk.

“Sammy, any luck?” Dean asked, sounding worried and exhausted.

“Dev is smart. She took precautions to avoid the traffic cameras.” Sam replied, “Dean….. I’m sorry… this is all my fault.”

“You’re right… it is…. You should have handled things better.” Cas cut in, before a scuffling noise sounded and Dean came back on line.

“Cas is right, but what’s done is done.” Dean said wearily, “Look, we found the car, parked at a bus station in Kansas City.”

“Which one?” Sam replied, as he started typing away on the keyboard.

“Greyhound.” Dean answered, “Hopefully she hasn’t left yet.”

“Just a minute.” Sam muttered as he hacked into the database. “Wait… I found her, she used one of her aliases to buy a ticket…. No… wait… there’s another one of her aliases. And another. And another…. She used four different names to buy tickets, and each ticket puts her on a bus going in four different directions.”

“Clever girl.” I muttered, impressed by how well she managed to cover her trail.

Sam shot me a look, “But not clever enough, she only needed one ticket.” He reminded me, “So all Dean and Cas have to do is figure out which one she used.”

“Which we are going to do right now, we will split up and talk to as many different tellers or bus drivers as possible, trying to figure out which direction she went.” Dean told us, before hanging up.

Sam sighed and held his heads in his hands, looking quite broken. “This is all my fault.” He whispered. “Dad…. What did I do?”

He looked up at me, his eyes red and full of pain. “It’s not like I didn’t love her… a part of me did… and well… maybe things could have turned out differently for us if it wasn’t for..” Sam trailed off guiltily.

“If it wasn’t for Jess.” I finished for him, sitting down next to my distraught son, “If it wasn’t for Jess, you and Dev might still be… sleeping together, and who knows what could have happened.”

“Ya.” Sam replied miserably, “Who knows what could have happened.”

“Sam.” I began, “Son…. Do you regret that choice that you made? Would you rather be with Devon than Jess? Do you love Devon?”

“I love Jess.” Sam replied without hesitation, “But I deeply deeply regret how much I hurt Devon. It’s not like I didn’t have feelings for her. It’s just that I have always loved Jess, she is the love of my life. And seeing her alive again…. It just… it all came rushing back. How much I loved and missed her…. I just wish that I had done things differently.”

“Sam.” I interrupted him, “I met Jess first. Before I met Devon. And Jess is a nice, smart, beautiful girl. And she is clearly in love with you too. And then I met Devon, who is a smart, strong, beautiful hunter…. But the moment she met Jess, she started to break. I saw it Sam, I watched it happen. The cracks started forming the moment she found out who Jess was. And after the farmhouse… she shattered completely. I could see it last night. She’s broken Sam, but she can be put back together, in time.”

“And Sam.” I added, “It says a lot about Devon that she never yelled or caused a scene. She handled it with class. Which is rare among hunters.”

“I just want to say that I’m sorry and that I never meant for it to all happen like this.” Sam explained to me. “I want to fix things.”

“And you will.” I responded, “Some day.”

“But I don’t mean just with Devon.” Sam replied, “I mean with Jess too. She won’t speak to me. She really liked Devon and considered her a friend. She said that it feels like she stole her friend’s boyfriend, and that’s never ok.”

“Jess will talk to you again.” I assured him, “As will Devon. But first, I think Jess may need to speak to Devon.”

Sam nodded and rubbed his eyes tiredly. I sighed and got up, pouring us each a drink. “Here.” I handed him the glass, “Down this and then go get some rest. I’ll get you when Dean calls me.”

I was amazed when Sam followed my orders for once, without a fight. A testament for how tired and worn out he was feeling.

I let Sam sleep while I explored the bunkers library, still marveling over the place. I never knew such a place good exist.

“Wait…. Dean… what do you mean?” I could hear Sam demanding, as he came into the library, looking worse than before “What do you mean you the trail has gone cold?”

Sam put the phone on speaker and let Dean explain everything, glancing at me then Jess and Lisa as they came into the room.

“Devon purchased four different bus tickets, all which went in four different directions.” Dean explained, “Cas and I interviewed everyone who checked tickets or helped with bags…. And each one reported that a short, blonde woman got on each of the buses, with one of the tickets purchased… and that none of them got off.”

“What?” Sam sputtered, seeming to be at a loss for words “Meaning?”

“Meaning that Devon somehow managed to get on each bus. And apparently never got off the bus.” Dean replied, “And they told me that she could have gotten off at any rest stop or roadside drop off between here and the destinations…. So she could have gotten off at least five different places in four different directions… she’s just… gone.”

*****

**_Dev’s POV_ **

I checked into a much nicer motel than the usual ones we used, I wanted to stay for a few days as I got things ready to start my new life, and I wanted to remain under the radar. No one would think to check one of the nicer hotels in the area, they’d be looking into the cheapest ones that they could find… that is if they knew where I was. Which they shouldn’t. I made sure that my path would be very hard to follow.

Using the hotel phone, I called my cell to check my messages. I wasn’t going to turn it on and make it easy to trace.

All the messages were the same, Dean and Cas demanding to know if I was alright. A few from Sam, apologizing and begging me to come home, needing to know that I was alright. I got a couple from Lisa, one from John, and one from Jess.

“Devon?” Jess’s teary voice sounded out, “I’m…. I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to take Sam from you. From my friend. Please come back, I am worried. We are all worried. I’ll step back. I was dead, and Sam had moved on…. So please come back-”

I deleted the message before it was over. Blinking the tears from my eyes, I squared my shoulders, dried my eyes, grabbed some cash and called for a taxi. It was time for me to shed myself of Devon Goldstein and become Goldie Lewis, once and for all.

Once I got back from doing some shopping, I surveyed my purchases, trying to figure out where to start. Deciding to do the most major change first, I headed into the bathroom, mulling over the phone messages and wondering of I should call anyone back.

By the time I was finished, I decided that there was only one call that needed to be made. Picking up the cheap cell phone that I had swiped from someone, I dialed *67 and then the phone that we had gotten for Jess. I waited breathlessly, hoping that I would get her voice mail. And by miracles of miracles, I managed too.

“Hey Jess. It’s Devon.” I said softly once the greeting was done, “Please… tell them not to look for me. I do not want to be found. I need some time. But most importantly… you didn’t steal Sam from me. He was never mine to begin with, you have held his heart for a long time, even in death. Who am I to come between a love like that? I am not mad at you.  _Please understand that you did not steal my boyfriend_. I was just watching over him for you. But now you are back, and he belongs to you again. Treat him well and don’t be too hard on him. This is an impossible situation, and someone was bound to get hurt. But I will be alright. I will survive. And what I need most right now is some time to myself. Take care of everyone, and please tell them that I don’t want to be found.”

I pause as I looked in the mirror, before adding “Just tell them that Devon is gone.”

I hung up and broke the phone, feeling better than I had in days. As I started combing out my long, freshly dyed hair, I couldn’t help but smile, then frown. I had been bleaching my hair blonde for years now. I doubt that Cas, Sam or Dean even realized that I wasn’t a natural blonde. I had dyed my hair blonde for a case, years ago, to use myself as bait and it turns out that the Winchesters and I had been working the same case, and we ended up teaming up on the case, and then we just decided to continue hunting together. I was all set to dye my hair back, when Sam made a comment about my hair and I had asked Dean about it, and he told me that Sam liked blondes. And I liked Sam, so I kept the blonde for all this time… maybe in an unintentional effort to be more like Jess? Who knows? All that I know is that I had changed who I was to suit what I thought Sam wanted, without even really realizing it.

And truthfully, maybe that was the problem. I became someone who I thought that Sam wanted, and not what he needed. Maybe if I had been me, things would have been different. Maybe they would have turned out differently. But I would never know. I could drive myself crazy living in the ‘land of if only’ and I couldn’t do that to myself. What I really needed to do was find myself again, as cliché as that sounds after a breakup, it was true. I had become too invested in what Sam wanted and liked, and I kind of lost myself.

So, it was time for Devon to ‘die’ for lack of better terms, and for Goldie Lewis to take her place. And they shouldn’t be able to find me. I wasn’t going to turn my phone on. I had left my laptop, car and actual ID at the bunker, I emptied out my bank account before I got on the bus and gotten rid of all my old aliases. Though sometimes they called me Goldie, most people called me Devon or Dev. And since they didn’t know my actual history, no one knew that Lewis was my grandmother’s maiden name. My mom died in childbirth, taking the name of my birth father with her to the grave. I was raised by her parents, who were both retired hunters and had taught me everything that I knew. They had given me a good home, a good childhood and made sure that I had gotten a good education. Soon after I had turned twenty, my grandfather passed away in a car accident, and my grandmother followed him in under a year, unable to stay on this earth long without him. It wasn’t until after my grandmother’s funeral that I learned from some of my grandparent’s hunter buddies that my grandfather’s crash hadn’t been an accident but had been supernatural related. Upon finding that out, I dropped out of college and took up hunting full time; looking for the supernatural beings who killed my grandfather, and who caused my grandmother to die of a broken heart. After a few years, I met Sam and Dean. And the rest as they say, is history.

Shaking my head, I pulled myself from my musings. I couldn’t get lost in the past, I had to look to my future. I had no idea what my future held, but it was going to be different. I was going to be different. I would never let anyone get close enough hurt me again.

Grabbing the cell phone and laptop that I had bought while at the store, I settled down to set them all up and start searching for a new car to buy, so I could go out and start hunting.. on my own this time.

****

**_John’s POV_ **

“THANKS A LOT SAM!” a loud, irate voice bellowed out suddenly.

Dean, Cas, Lisa and I all looked towards the source of the sounds, as rushed footsteps and muffled voices sounded in the near distance. We had been trying no to listen to Sam and Jess’s conversation, wanting to give them some privacy, but the bunker wasn’t exactly sound proof and we heard a few yells and curses, but nothing like this.

“What’s going on?” Lisa asked as Jess stormed into the room. Dean was looking from Jess’s enraged face to Sam’s guilty one, wondering what he had done now. As was I.

“He.” Jess growled, pointing her finger angrily at Sam, “Told me to quit trying to phone Devon and turn off my phone for five minutes, just long enough to talk.”

Jess sighed, glaring at Sam, “And during that time frame…. Devon called me.” She announced. “And she left me a message.”

“What?” Dean asked, jumping up and reaching for the phone, “What did she say?! Where is she? Did you call her back?”

“I tried calling her back.” Sam replied, “Her phone is still turned off and her voice mail was full, but now it’s not. I left a message.”

“What. Did. She. Say. In. The. Message?” Dean growled.

“I don’t know!” Sam yelled back, “I never heard it!! I just heard Jess say that Devon called her and I tried to call her back.”

“Here… Listen.” Jess replied as she fiddled with her phone, Dean took it from her and showed her how to put it on speaker phone.

“This message was left at 8:46pm” an automated voice said, “From an unknown number.”

“Of course.” Dean muttered “She was taught how to cover her tracks.”

“Shh.” Lisa snapped, “Listen.”

“Hey Jess. It’s Devon.” Devon’s voice said quietly, still sounding broken and hollow, “Please… tell them not to look for me. I do not want to be found. I need some time. But most importantly… you didn’t steal Sam from me. He was never mine to begin with, you have held his heart for a long time, even in death. Who am I to come between a love like that? I am not mad at you.  _Please understand that you did not steal my boyfriend_. I was just watching over him for you. But now you are back, and he belongs to you again. Treat him well and don’t be too hard on him. This is an impossible situation, and someone was bound to get hurt. But I will be alright. I will survive. And what I need most right now is some time to myself. Take care of everyone, and please tell them that I don’t want to be found.”

There was a brief pause, before she added, “Just tell them that Devon is gone.”

As the automated voice listed options of what to do with the message, I couldn’t help but shiver, the way that she had said that Devon is gone was quite chilling. She said it so flatly, so calm, like her mind was made up. It just had an air of finality about it, and I was worried.

“What did she mean that Devon is gone?” I asked no one in particular.

“I don’t know.” Lisa replied, “But the way she said it scared me.”

“She wouldn’t do anything to hurt herself… would she?” I questioned my boys, looking hard at Sam.

“No.” Dean said firmly, “I don’t think so….. but I also have no idea what is going through her mind right now.. we have to find her.”

“Agreed.” I replied. “Now here’s what I suggest: There’s six of us. There’s four directions that need to be searched. Dean and Lisa, you go in one direction. Cas goes in another. I will take one, Sam and Jess, can take the last. We search every place that the buses stopped. Whoever finds a trace of her, calls the rest and we meet up and will proceed from there.”

“I’ll call Crowley. Get him to help us.” Dean replied, “And maybe Jody can come help too.”

“Then everybody can work in teams of two.” I replied, “I like it.”

Cas groaned, “I guess that means that I have to work with Crowley.”

Dean shot him an apologetic look and I wondered what that meant. And who this Crowley was.

“What about the Brit?” I asked, “Could he help?”

“Possibly.” Dean replied, “If we can get a hold of him.”

“And this is the only case that we are working.” Dean added, “Nothing else. The only thing that matters is finding Devon. Now let’s go get ready.”

I left to get ready, anxious to find the girl I barely knew, and hoping that it wasn’t already to late.

*****

**_John’s POV_ **

Jess refused to go with Sam, she was so mad at him, so she rode with Dean, Jody went with Sam, Cas went with Crowley to ‘keep him in line’, since he was a demon, something that I  _would_  be lecturing my sons on later, and Lisa came with me. Dean said that everyone save Cas and Crowley needed to ride with someone who was caught up with the modern world, meaning Jess and me basically.

It was close too three weeks before we caught a break. It was Sam and Jody who picked up her trail and called us.

Lisa and I were the furthest away and were the last to arrive. But as I pulled up in the designated meeting spot, I saw my youngest son, sporting a black eye, bloody nose and spilt lip. Dean was off to the side, talking to an enraged angel, Crowley was scowling at Dean, while trying to comfort Jess and Jody at the same time, who were both crying.

It was then that I knew. Lisa and I looked at each other, and the beautiful brunettes’ eyes started welling up, already knowing that the worst had happened.

“How did it happen?” I asked as I got out of the car, before looking at Sam, “And what happened to him?”

“Castiel happened to him.” Dean announced, “But he’s sorry…. Right Castiel?”

“I will be. But I’m not right now and I don’t know why.” Cas replied gravely.

“Because it’s not Sam that you are mad at.” Crowley said, rolling his eyes, “You’re mad at Devon. What you are feeling is normal, given the circumstances.”

“Crowley is right.” Dean agreed, hugging Lisa, who was crying and asking what happened.

“What happened?” I asked, both needing and dreading to know the answer.

“They found a body.” Sam explained quietly, “A blonde with one of the bus tickets that Devon bought. But that’s all that we know. ID isn’t confirmed yet.”

Jody sniffed and cleared her throat, “An ID take weeks to confirm.” She whispered, “We have no way of knowing if it’s her or not…. unless we find her first.”

“We didn’t find any other leads.” Dean replied tersely. “So it’s either her or we are way off track.”

“We have to be off track.” Jody declared, “I won’t believe otherwise until we hear back from the coroner’s office.”

“I agree.” I replied, “We go back to the bunker. We look for more clues and we call the coroner’s office everyday until they have an answer for us.”

“Ya, let’s do that.” Dean muttered, “Lisa… ride with me?”

Lisa nodded and hugged Dean quickly, before going to get her bag out of my truck.

“Cas and Crowley, you should maybe go search for more clues? Dean suggested hopefully, looking pleadingly at Cas.

“Sure Dean.” Cas replied, throwing one last withering glare at Sam, “I need some time away anyways.”

“I’ll help.” Crowley commented, “I didn’t hate seeing Sam get his ass kicked by Feather’s here, and Devon was one human that didn’t constantly irritate me.”

I raised an eyebrow at that, but kept my thoughts to myself, instead looking at the rest of the group.

“Jody, you can ride with me.” I ordered, “Sam and Jess… you two need to ride together, and talk. And that is an order, not a suggestion.”

“Yes Sir.” Sam replied, looking crushed. Jess nodded and went to get her things.

Jody grabbed her bag and threw it in the back of my truck, hopping in as everyone got ready to leave.

As I got in the truck and started driving, Jody dried her eyes and looked at me curiously. “Do you have feelings for Devon?” She asked, “Is that why you are so worried about her?”

I looked at her quickly then back at the road, “I barely know her.” I replied evasively.

“Ha” Jody scoffed, “Right.”

I gripped the steering wheel tighter, not wanting to talk about the feelings that Devon woke in me, feelings that I had no right in having.

Especially the immense dread that I was feeling at the thought that I might never see her again.

*****


End file.
